During the same conversation that I ended with in my last post, I told him that I would have to quit my job in order to come out there because they wouldn’t give me the time off. He added more concern, and told me that maybe this was a bad idea. It was almost like I couldn’t even finish what I was trying to say to him before he would throw in negative remarks. I barely got to tell him that I had already spoken with my mom about going to work for her upon my return. Again, he threw in negative remarks about my mom and her business. “How is she going to afford to pay you?” and “How are you so sure that this will be guaranteed” he asked.
I wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time. He would not listen to me. It was almost like he was still trying to talk me out of coming, even if it was only temporary. I tried to explain to him that my mom would not have suggested I work for her if she couldn’t foot the bill and that I would not have accepted it if I didn’t believe her. I tried explaining to him that my bills were almost paid off, so I would be debt free. With the little bit he sent me from the BAH, along with what she was able to offer me would be able to cover what I needed in February, easy. I even had to tell him that if I found out that this scenario wouldn’t work like I had hoped, I would find alternate employment. Granted, I knew it would work. The BAH covered my rent. So the only bills I had were the basic necessities of food, electricity, internet, gas and auto insurance. All of which didn’t exceed $400 per month. So basically, if I worked a minimum of $100 a week with my mom, I was good.
Finally, after about an hour of discussions, he was finally ok with my 3 week trip. He told me he would find somewhere for me to stay while I was there. We got off the phone and he emails me sometime later to tell me that he did find a place for me to stay on base. I would be staying with a fellow soldier and his wife in their guest room. He lived in a building that didn’t allow overnight guests. As I read through this email he sent, I got the feeling of excitement from him. Finally, I thought, finally. He had also mentioned that he was going to look into going to Ireland while I was there so we could go on our long overdue honeymoon. His ancestors are from Ireland, so he always wanted to go there. I didn’t really want to go to Ireland at the time, I had other places of interest higher on my list of countries I wanted to go and see. I didn’t argue or suggest something else to him. I just went along with it.
He is the type of person that only sees the black and white and looks only inside the box. Any alternative motion that is different than what his mindset is saying has a tendency of pissing him off. Like I said, it took about an hour of talking and explaining to him to get him to accept that I was coming to see him. This would have been almost instantaneous for any other soldier that loved and was devoted to his wife. I knew he would have concerns about my employment. What spouse wouldn’t? But the fact that he tried to talk me out of coming and basically put down my employment efforts as though I did not know what I was doing was beyond reasonable.
I had come to learn that with most things, I should just let him have the control. I was trying to be a dutiful wife despite the emails I found and despite my suspicions of infidelity. I had no solid ground to stand on regarding infidelity. All I had was the suspicion because of the way he was acting regarding a possible move to Germany and a simple 3 weeklong visit. Not to mention the emails I had read.
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