Marriage and Divorce, My story told

When I first decided that I was ready for a divorce, I was lost for words. I had no idea how to break the news to my husband. Further, I was unsure how to tell my parents. What would they think and how would they react? I vividly remember staring at the floor in my living room. My reasoning’s as to why I chose to go down the path of divorce circled around in my head for hours. I remember thinking back to the times that these reasons came clear to me.

He was in the United States Army and was stationed in Germany. We were married in June of 2007 while he was home on leave. After we were married, I was getting anxious to move out there to be with him. He was in a location that allowed servicemen and women to bring their immediate families to live and stay for the time that they were stationed. In our situation, he refused to allow me to come with him. He made excuses as to why I should stay in Virginia, all of which I came back with a reason as to why it would be ok. One of the most popular excuses he gave me was that he wanted me to be close to my friends and family back home. I repeatedly reminded him that he was my family now. He was the most important to me and that I wanted to be wherever he was, whenever possible.

Sometime around August of 2007, I was looking through my computer. I was actually in the process of cleaning out folders and removing files that I no longer needed. I was doing this so that I could properly defrag it. I came across a folder that contained emails that were exchanged between my husband and another woman. They were all dated in January. But what I found them to say both shocked me and broke my heart a little with each new message that I read. By the time I finished reading them; I was in tears and could barely breathe. Basically, the emails exchanged were referring to him going out with a girl and being persistent with her, even after she had started to say no. It was obvious she knew about me, for she had mentioned me to him. She did not know my specifics or anything, just that he was dating someone. The line of one of his responses that I still carry today is when he told her, “Its ok, wedding bells are not ringing”. What does this have to do with anything? I will tell you. In December of 2006 we were talking about marriage. He came home on leave in January and proposed to me. So for wedding bells to supposedly not be ringing baffled me.

Over the next month, I decided that I was going to go to Germany. I did not consult him prior to doing what I needed to do in order to get there. It was something that I had to completely do myself. I had to search out for the funds to purchase the ticket. I ended up having to quit my job in order to take the time off of work to visit him. I had to put everything I knew on hold so that I could go out there and try to figure out why he did not want me there. I was desperate to see what he saw, hear what he heard, and feel what he felt. I was desperate to try and put the emails I found behind me. It was something that happened prior to our marriage and I felt it wasn’t worth bringing up.

After the plane ticket was purchased and the dates were set, I sent him a copy of the flight schedule that I would be on. It seemed as though no sooner than I hit send, I received a call from him. His response at first was a little concerned. He wanted to know where I had gotten the money from. I told him it was luck. One of the things I had done was sign up for a contest that a local radio station does every fall. They ask the listeners for Christmas wishes. Now, these wishes can either be for you or for a loved one. As they get a wish in, they read it over determine if they will grant said wish. I submitted a wish to travel to Germany and see my husband, to whom I haven’t seen since we were married. I added in extra details about our situation and why it was important to me to fly out there. “My wish was granted” I told him. They gave me $750 dollars for airfare and travel expenses. In addition they gave me two gift cards to Wal-mart totaling $198 so that I could purchase food for myself as well as some gifts for my family.