Living in San Diego

I began to see myself making rash decisions. These decisions I would have never made with a clear mind. I felt that I needed to get away from everything I knew. If I did so, I would start to feel better and heal. Or so I thought. I met a guy online that was a member of a band that I was figuratively in love with. I began pouring my heart out to him. He sympathized and even sent me flowers. This gave me false hope and false happiness. I was literally trying to hide the pain through him.

I decided to move to California to be with him. I was still legally married, so I started telling my husband a few things. I told him I was thinking about moving. I mentioned Georgia, South Dakota, North Dakota, Spain and California. Different reasons and different people followed each location. I told him that I would return back to Virginia in January. Little did he know was that this would be the trip I made to get the divorce in motion. He told me he was going to file a desertion clause if I left Virginia. All I could do was laugh hysterically. The little bit of knowledge I had of divorce stated that you can only have a grounds of desertion if the spouse leaves the marital home with no intention of returning and without informing the other party. I was telling him that I was leaving for awhile! Granted, I made it out to be that I wasn’t sure yet as to where I was going, but I was keeping him informed. Also, we never had a marital home and we considered ourselves separated. I told him this information I had along with the fact that he knew how to contact me. I had no intentions of shutting him out of my life completely yet. He had my phone number, he had my parents’ number, he had their address, and my email would still be valid. If at any point he wanted to get a hold of me or know where I was, he had resources of doing just that.

When I moved to California in June, I moved in with another man. We were just roommates and I figured it was far enough away to not look fishy. I was still battling my own insecurities. I was still trying to rebuild myself. What I did not know at the time was that the next 6 months of my life would be an emotional turmoil. The guy ended up being abusive. About a week before Christmas, I wanted to talk to him about something. With the emotional state I was still in from my marriage, I was in no shape to think rationally. He was on his phone talking to someone, and out of nowhere I grabbed it and pushed the hang up button. We yelled back and forth, him about his phone and me about wanting to talk. Then, he came after me. I ran into the bedroom and attempted to close the door behind me. I was too late and weak in my efforts as he pushed through the door with raging colors. He threw me onto the bed and began to strangle me. He threatened that he was going to kill me. The next few moments were a blur as I fought for my life.

Upon breaking free, I jetted from the apartment. I went to the local grocery store that was around the corner and one of the guys I knew that worked there sat outside with me while I waited for the cops. My mom had told me horror stories about her ex-husband being abusive. I learned through her mistake of staying with him for awhile. Her story allowed me to be smart and not tolerate an abusive man.

After filing the police report, I was transferred to a homeless shelter for domestic violence victims. I already had a return flight to Virginia set up in January so I could return to get my divorce processed. But that wasn’t for another three weeks! I tossed and turned that first night being in total disbelief. In one year, I go from being married and wanting a divorce, to moving across the country and becoming homeless, even if only temporary. My world came crashing down harder than I could have ever imagined. I finally realized the full extent of where my emotions and mental state lied and it was as though they hit an all time low. I did manage to get my flight advanced two weeks, so I was leaving California on Christmas day.