Officially Divorced!

One of the key things that everyone should remember about going through a divorce is that the plaintiff needs a witness present with them in court, whether or not they have an attorney present. My husband was made aware of this by the clerk of courts. I knew he knew, but something told me he would show up without one. I asked my mom if she would come with me to court to be my witness and explained to her what my instinct was telling me. She agreed.

We go to court and walk into the room and take a seat towards the back. I look around for him and notice him sitting, alone I might add, a few rows up. I knew it! I knew he would show up alone. I had a private panic attack and hoped that the judge would show mercy on at least me.

We are called and walk up to where we are directed. The judge notices that Danny is alone and the conversation goes something like this:

Judge: looking slightly annoyed, “Where is your witness?”

Him: “Your honor, um, he wasn’t able to make it because he had an accident with his thumb. Um, he had to go to…”

Judge: “You need a witness in order to file this petition.”

Me: chirping in “Your honor, I have a witness.”

Judge: directing his glance at me. “You do? Why?”

Me: “Honestly, because I knew that he would not bring one and I wanted to make sure it was covered.”

Judge: “Ok, is your witness in the courtroom?”

Me: “Yes” I signal for my mom to come up to the stand.

Judge: “Ok, this is what I’m going to do. I will make some edits to the decree and award you with the divorce.”

Me: “Thank you, your honor.”

Well, the divorce is set and in motion. Documents were signed and we went to the clerk’s desk to get copies. What I had originally wanted as a neat and orderly document was now marked all over. For some reason, it did not bother me that much. I knew this was the end of a long battle of fighting with my now ex-husband. I could finally start focusing on myself completely and cut all remaining ties with him. It would be another 6 months before I felt I was finally back to my pre-marriage self making my journey to self-discovery last 3 years. Every situation is different and holds different aspects. I think the reason it took me so long is because the divorce itself took so long. If I had resources available or sought them out, the process probably would have reduced drastically. Being the type of person I am, I tend to hold information and sit on it for what feels like forever. I do not recommend anyone to do this. It adds significant time to the healing and grieving process. My new motto is to act today, live freely tomorrow.

In the 2 years I had been back in Virginia, I began working on an associate’s degree in Criminal Justice. I always had a passion for the justice system and had been studying it since I was a teenager. Even before I signed up for classes, I had at least a little knowledge in every aspect of the criminal justice field. Some areas, my knowledge was more extensive than others. I had explored the various topics, did case-studies, and researched information.

Recently, I even went to the site of one of the case-studies I did as a teen so that I could see firsthand everything that I had studied. I went to houses of some of the victims, visited their gravesites, and explored the area that weekly meetings were held. It was almost like it was the last piece of the puzzle that I was looking for. I even felt as though I already knew the town and exactly how to get to the various locations.

So, entering college for this was a piece of cake. Even still, I learned more than I thought I would. I made contacts with local law enforcement that I still call on from time to time today with questions. The number one question I get asked when someone finds out my career choice is, “Which show do you like best? My favorite is CSI.” Every time, I simply chuckle and say I’m not interested in that sort of thing. They give me a look of confusion and I continue saying that with my extensive knowledge, I can’t watch them without nit-picking everything. I also tell them that I prefer non-fiction over fiction, simply because I would rather educate myself first before being blinded by something untrue, which is also why I don’t watch TV. Gasps are always followed by that statement.