As I stated in my last post, I was going to start shifting towards a different aspect in the life after divorce segment. And that’s just what I plan on doing. Before, I went through my reflection stages and getting myself to get back up on my personal bandwagon. Upon completion of this post, I will start talking about re-entering the dating world.
It was a scary thing for me to think about for a while, dating again. I had no idea how to date and had completely forgotten how to meet people. I was lost, alone and afraid to throw myself out there. I was living with my parents, and even my mom saw how alone I was and the difficulties I was going through. She suggested that I go to college in hopes that it would help me meet someone. That didn’t work too well, at least not at first.
I was extremely shy and afraid to talk to anyone. My self-esteem and confidence had been shot due to the negative remarks my soon to be ex gave me. Even my dad told me I was fat once. I’m sure he meant well, and only wanted to get me motivated to diet and exercise, but it still put a major dent in my self-esteem. Not only that, but I was constantly reminded of my weight gain every time I looked in the mirror. You see, I was 120 pounds before I got married, and upon my separation, I had reached somewhere around 170. Trust me, I was a little chunky monkey there for a while.
I bring the weight gain up because it was what really caused my self-esteem and confidence to go down. It also added a whirl wind of depression to race through me at any random moment. My biggest regret through this time is not getting back out there and allowing my outer appearance get the best of me. I needed to lose weight, but I lacked the motivation to do something about it. I remember constantly asking myself what was wrong with me. Before I got married I was able to go up to any guy and start chatting away. I was able to pick up men like they were lost sheep. I mean, I got 4 marriage proposals before saying yes to my ex-husband. Yes, you read that right. FOUR! I was an outgoing diva that strived in the social world. And here I was, a mere 2 years later, lost and alone.
This is actually what threw me into the reflection stage that I talked about before, but I felt I should cover it in more detail so that you will be able to better understand what went on during the dating stages that I endured over the next 2 years. What you will learn over the next few posts about me and my dating habits after divorce will come as a surprise. It surprised me even, but I feel now that it all happened in order to push me in the direction that I ultimately went. I want each of you to take something out of all of this, and that is that everything does happen for a reason. I know that at the time, through all of my tears and questions of why, I didn’t understand why everything horrible was happening to me.
I’m sure that many of you are asking yourselves the same questions I once asked myself. Why is this happening to me? What is wrong with me? What did I do that was so terribly wrong? Ladies, (and gents if you’re reading), I assure you that NOTHING is wrong with you. You didn’t do anything that was terribly wrong. Look at your current situation like this. Tell yourself, “This is happening to me now in order to make me stronger. It is giving me the backbone and experience that I need in order to love someone better, stronger and easier. It is showing me that I can get through anything, and I will appreciate returned love better.” So next time you see your ex, or soon to be ex, thank him, for he is the reason that your next love will be even sweeter.
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